Online dating has become a normal way to meet people, especially for those who may be looking for companionship later in life. While many genuine relationships start online, romance scams remain one of the most damaging scams in Australia, both financially and emotionally.
According to Scamwatch, romance scams consistently cost Australians millions of dollars each year, and people aged 65 and over are among the most targeted.
Romance scammers are professional manipulators. They know exactly what to say, how to build trust, and how to slowly push boundaries without raising alarm bells. Understanding the common warning signs can help you spot a scam earlier and protect yourself or someone you care about.
Below are some of the biggest red flags to watch out for.
They always have an excuse not to meet or video chat
One of the clearest warning signs is when someone avoids seeing you face-to-face. They may claim they work overseas, are on an oil rig, in the military, caring for a sick relative, or dealing with ongoing travel issues. Video calls are often promised “soon”, but never actually happen.
Scammers rely on distance to hide who they really are. Even when video calling technology is easy and free, they’ll find reasons to avoid it such as poor internet, broken cameras, different time zones, or emergencies that always seem to pop up at the last minute.
Tip: If someone refuses to video chat after weeks or months of chatting, take a step back. Genuine people understand the need to confirm who you’re talking to.
They talk about future plans before you’ve even met
Romance scammers often rush emotional intimacy. They may talk about marriage, moving in together, travelling the world, or growing old together very early in the relationship, sometimes within days or weeks.
These future promises are designed to create a strong emotional bond quickly. Once you’re emotionally invested, it becomes harder to question their behaviour or walk away, even when things don’t feel right.
Example: You’ve never met in person, but they’re already calling you their “soulmate” and talking about how they’ll move to be with you. While it can feel flattering, it’s important to slow things down.
Tip: Healthy relationships take time. Be cautious of anyone pushing big commitments too fast.
They ask for money, gift cards or help “just this once”
This is the biggest red flag of all. Sooner or later, most romance scams lead to money.
The request might start small such as help paying for a flight, medical bills, business problems, or unexpected fees. They often promise to pay you back and may say you’re the only one they trust.
Requests could involve:
- Bank transfers
- Gift cards
- Cryptocurrency
- Sending money to a third party (such as a ‘friend’, ‘business contact’ or ‘agent’)
- Accepting or moving money on their behalf
No matter how convincing the story sounds, any request for money is a major warning sign.
Tip: Never send money, gift cards or cryptocurrency to someone you haven’t met in person.
They discourage you from talking to friends or family
Scammers often try to isolate you. They may say others “wouldn’t understand”, are jealous, or are trying to sabotage your happiness. In some cases, they encourage secrecy, especially around money.
Isolation makes it easier for a scammer to control the narrative and harder for loved ones to spot the warning signs.
Example: They suggest keeping the relationship private “for now” or get upset when you mention discussing things with family or friends.
Tip: If someone discourages outside opinions, that’s a strong sign something isn’t right. Trusted friends and family can offer valuable perspective.
They turn emotional when you question them
When you ask reasonable questions, a scammer may react with guilt, anger or defensiveness. They might accuse you of not trusting them, threaten to end the relationship, or say you’ve hurt them deeply.
This emotional reaction is deliberate. It’s meant to stop you from asking more questions and make you feel responsible for their feelings.
Tip: You’re allowed to ask questions in any relationship. If someone reacts aggressively or emotionally to simple clarification, pause and reassess what they might not be telling you.
They send you money first or offer to “invest together”
Some scams are more complex. A scammer may send you money initially to build trust or ask you to help move funds through your account. Others encourage you to “invest together”, often through fake investment platforms.
This can make the situation feel legitimate, but it’s still part of the scam. Once trust is built, larger amounts are usually requested.
Tip: Never accept money or investment advice from someone you’ve only met online. Being involved can put you at legal and financial risk.
What to do if something doesn’t feel right
If you suspect you’re in the midst of a romance scam:
- Stop sending money or personal information immediately
- Cut off contact with the person
- Alert your financial institution that your details could be compromised
- Report the scam to Scamwatch
Romance scams aren’t about being naïve or careless. They work because scammers are skilled, patient and emotionally manipulative. Anyone - regardless of age, intelligence or experience - can be affected.
If someone you care about is forming a relationship online, stay informed and having an open conversation with them, it can make all the difference. Real love doesn’t ask for secrecy, money or silence. If something feels off, trust that feeling.
This information provides general advice only. We do not provide advice based on any consideration of your personal objectives, needs or circumstances.
